tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22366945.post4694035086198214305..comments2023-10-20T12:02:07.124-04:00Comments on A New Flower Blooms: Adoption and Second Chances (repeat)abebechhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827016743055256735noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22366945.post-46017706414373261552007-05-31T22:06:00.000-04:002007-05-31T22:06:00.000-04:00You know, it wasn't until I finally heard my mothe...You know, it wasn't until I finally heard my mother's voice and listened to her telling me herself what had happened, that I was finally able to let go of some of the negative feelings (I was 34), because I realized it was my mother who had been abandoned by society, she didn't "give me away." No matter how much people told me my mother loved me and gave me a chnace at this that or the other....it didn't matter....it was third-hand information with no faces or voices to back it up. Do you see what I mean?<BR/><BR/>Up to that point my mother was a fantasy, a ghost who I dreamed about - was anngry with, was hating and loving at the same time. But it was all in my imagination....and no one could have prevented this because I simply had no contact with my mother, father or life before adoption. It's was like I had been tossed into outer space blindfolded....and I had to somehow find my way back home....to find the truth and see the life I was taken from...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22366945.post-7398874296550591092007-05-31T20:39:00.000-04:002007-05-31T20:39:00.000-04:00Thanks so much for your very important response. ...Thanks so much for your very important response. You're absolutley right, Michelle, to point out that some of/much of this pain has nothing to do with me/us as adoptive parents (something difficult to accept because that means we can't do anything about it, something recent discussions have really brought to the foreground). We can't prevent it, but as aparents we sure have the power to make it worse (particularly by negating it). <BR/>My daughter is fortunate to have information that it could not have been another way, so I imagine that she might think about her relinquishment differently, but I think from reading so many adoptee experiences that it might not impact how she _feels_ about her relinquishment and consequently, about herself.<BR/><BR/>One of the hardest things as an aparent is to wish with all your heart that being the light of your life would be enough, and knowing that it can't be. I think that's where the problematic "chosen child" thing comes from -- desperately wanting to fill a hole that can't be filled.abebechhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05827016743055256735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22366945.post-19426855648958888022007-05-31T20:04:00.000-04:002007-05-31T20:04:00.000-04:00As an adoptee I can't say that I felt second choic...As an adoptee I can't say that I felt second choice for "my family"....rather, it was just a feeling of being given away and not someone's first choice.<BR/>It really had nothing to do with the a-family I was with, just a deep, deep feeling of not being good enough for anyone. And....my adopters never made me feel less than anyone else....it was a feeling that hovered over me...it simply grew inside of me the longer I was separated from my mother, father and people - it has effected, in one way or another, all my life decisions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com