A New Flower Blooms

Happy Easter

2009-04-11T19:43:00.002-04:00

After I overheard Littlebun jokingly tell Miss I that Passover celebrates Moses's Birthday, I thought I'd better ask, why do we celebrate Easter?
Miss I answered: "Because Jesus had died." And then what? "And then Mary and Mary went looking for him, but he wasn't there." What did they find instead? " . . . a baby?"

On Not Taking My Daughter into the Fitting Room Anymore

2009-04-09T11:03:00.002-04:00

Momma, those pants are not gonna fit you. Those are big, fat pants . . . OH! THEY FIT! Nice! They fit! You look pretty, Momma . . .

Happy Thought

2009-04-03T12:09:00.003-04:00

Despite all my present whining (where are the pictures? why is it raining?) . . .
I'm very blessed.
In a couple of months, we'll be traveling to add another daughter to our family. In the fall, we'll be traveling to witness the adding of an "uncle" to our family (though he has already been an "uncle" for a long time).
How many people are lucky enough to have such a strange and unwieldy and challenging and multiracial and multinational family by biology/adoption/selection/extension? If only everyone could experience the joy in expanding the limits of the definition of "family" . . .

I wrote a letter to Ethica

2009-04-02T14:09:00.003-04:00

I'm very disappointed in the decision Ethica has made to attempt to raise money for Chifundo ("Mercy" in the press) James, the child who may or may not be adopted by Madonna, an attempt that smacks of publicity stunt more than humanitarian effort. I read the proposal, and I read the president's letter, and I have real concerns about a child becoming an "illustration" -- and about adoptive parents assuaging their own guilt by contributing to a fund to keep a single "illustrative" child with her extended family of origin.

I asked Ethica to consider instead appointing an independent legal advocate for the child and to petition the US and/or Britain (where does Madonna live now?!) to deny an application for an entry visa for the child should Malawi approve the adoption, requiring Madonna to either give up her efforts or remain in the country with the child. THIS must be illustrated: Receiving countries have to have high standards for receiving. If a child does not meet the criteria for immigration as an orphan, the child should remain in her country of origin.

So US/UK: Please consider issuing Madonna a Notice of Intent to Deny if this child does not meet the requirements for international adoption.

That's a campaign I could get behind. Receiving countries cannot assume that the practices of sending countries are ethical. The responsibility is on the receiving country and responsible agency to do their homework.

I simply received an email redirecting me to Ethica's president's letter, which presents a fine analogy (if someone with money goes to an impoverished neighborhood here, we don't expect to hand over the kids!) but it doesn't provide an adequate argument for raising funds for one particular "illustrative" child to be bought back into her extended family of origin.

Update:
The BBC reports that a judge has ruled against Madonna's petition:
"In the ruling, read out outside the court, the judge also voiced concerns about the potential ramifications a ruling in Madonna's favour might have on adopted children's human rights.
"By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children, the courts by their pronouncements could actually facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals," she said."

This is how a system should work, with consistency and transparency. An 18-24 month residency in country is the safeguard that they have put in place (which means, effectively, that Malawi lacks a system of international adoption). Circumvention rather than changing laws suggests a context where child trafficking is possible. I'm glad the petition was denied at this stage -- the next hope was that the receiving country's system would work (denying the emigration) and by then it would have been much harder on Madonna's other children (no matter how much I despise the material girl, these are real kids).

I hope Ethica follows through with their commitment to preserve this child's family -- and yet I fear they have used this little girl for publicity and set a terrible precedent for not allowing the system to work first, further commoditizing children by determining a specific USD amount to keep one child with her extended family.

Later: Please don't say "Slumdog Children" when you mean to insult Angelina Jolie -- and not the children.

Just the facts for now

2009-04-02T10:39:00.004-04:00

I've probably lost all my readers in this extended silence.
If I haven't, here's a quick update on our process:

NOC received.
Case submitted to court.
Shots near-completed.
Visa applications in New York (an office titled "TravelVisa Outsourcing." Alas, India outsources too).

Miss I can't wait to tickle LittleOne's toes.

Heather asked what's left?

Before we go:
Her case needs to be approved in court (this could take awhile).
We receive verbal guardianship approval and make travel plans.
Our state requires ICPC, so we make sure that's in place.
We receive written guardianship approval and travel!

While there:
We arrive, spend time getting to know one another, and after a few days travel in-country together to the US Embassy.
We submit I-600 and I-864. Embassy takes their time, checking her documents and comparing her picture and information to missing child reports to be sure nothing is amiss. We take her to an embassy-approved doctor, come back to the embassy, and they give the okay and give LittleOne a visa. In Ethiopia, dh had an Embassy appointment and an Embassy Day. It's going to take a bit longer this time.

ETA: We are one of the last of the I-600s. Families who applied after March 2008 will be 800-process families, and theirs will be a little different.

We come home:
Miss I gets to tickle her toes, and six months after we are home with legal guardianship, we apply to finalize in our county. Hooray!

2009-03-20T22:37:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, Littleone had a cold -- all the littleones did. But now our Littleone has a fever. As Miss I just got over pneumonia, and Littlebun had RSV pneumonia when HE was a Little one . . . I'm more than a little worried about the fever. And there's nothing I can do about it from here.

NOC

2009-03-16T14:52:00.002-04:00

Hooray! Littleone has just been issued NOC.
Now we're waiting on family court to grant us guardianship. That will probably take two months, but could be expedited because ours is a special needs adoption.

2009-03-09T11:14:00.001-04:00

When I hadn't heard anything about Littleone in over a month, I sent a panicked email to our specialist and I couldn't think about anything else (including work) all day. Our specialist replied that she will be preparing updates -- photos just came in! -- and sending them out to us shortly. So now I can't think about anything else (including work) because there are updates on the way.

Rocky II

2009-03-06T11:38:00.002-05:00

Littlebun was playing capture the flag while Miss I climbed on the playground afterschool. Mothers of the other boys chatted as I watched Miss I climb -- not too high, not too fast, you're just getting over pneumonia, don't set off your asthma . . .
All of a sudden Littlebun was running towards me, hand covering his mouth, eyes wide. Blood dripped between his fingers. For the first time -- and I desperately hope last -- Littlebun had been punched in the face.

Miss I stayed with my friend while I ran Littlebun home. Inside, I immediately set to cleaning his face to see the damage -- Littlebun was most concerned that he would need plastic surgery again (see April 2006 for that fun story). His lips were both split, but no harm was done to his teeth and no stitches were required.

We returned to the playground to fetch Miss I and to show his friends that all was mostly well, but by the time we arrived the offender had already been removed from the situation.

Littlebun was really shaken. He wasn't angry. He was sad. He spent much of last evening trying to figure out how he could have prevented it, unhappy with the possibility that the violence had been relatively unprovoked (he tagged the child, consistent with the game's rules). If it were his fault, he could find a way to be sure it would never happen again.

I was shaken, too. Something really horrible had happened to my baby, and I was right there and didn't prevent it. And now I wonder if I mishandled the aftermath.

Then of course came the questions of response: Should I have said something to the other child's mother? She had seen it happen, and was apparently as shocked as anyone else. I neither scolded nor assuaged her guilt. All of my attention was on my son and the gush of blood.

But in my own lack of outrage, did I convey to Littlebun that it was okay -- even inevitable -- that he would be the victim of violence, when I was trying to deal with the practicalities (finding the source of the bleeding)? Did I accidentally convey to Littlebun, to the other mothers, to the other child involved, that "Boys will be boys"? Littlebun says no, and he has a clear understanding of what "poor impulse control" means (thanks to another child in his class), but even so . . .

Today he has two fat lips and he's missing the spring in his step and I wish I could do something to help him get it back.

Sometimes I feel like a child

2009-03-01T20:52:00.002-05:00

We saw dh's dad on dd's first bday.
We were already at the restaurant, and they beamed when they saw us through the glass. I didn't know until it was too late that my face had fallen.
Dad asked "What's wrong?" as soon as they were in the door. I wanted to say "I don't want you to die." Instead I said "I'm having a hard day." They attributed this to knowing that Littleone was turning one without a family to celebrate her, and this was part of the reason that I was feeling so glum. But mostly, I was struck by the disparity between Dad's outward appearance of health and happiness and my awareness of what is happening inside, and the childishness of my response. They were having a "good day" optimistic about the potential for this relatively new form of chemotherapy, and all I could say was "I'm having a hard day." My hard days must seem trivial, and if they loved me less they might have wondered how I could possibly say "I'm having a hard day" side by side the "hard days" he has.
But it was a lot better -- I think -- than "I just don't want you to die."

Who's the Boss?

2009-02-25T13:41:00.003-05:00

Now that I have parented two children past the age of three, I am an expert on twos and threes (wink wink).
Who am I kidding?! Twos and threes are hard. But one thing I have learned (and can't seem to convince others of) is that as soon as you go mano a mano with a kiddo, you've already lost. They have more energy than you do -- they could keep it up all day.
And the truth is that they don't really want to drive you crazy. That's a biproduct of attempts to control their own environments just a little more. They're curious, and that includes curiosity about the limits. The day I learned that "if I can't explain "Why" concisely it probably doesn't need to be a rule" was a liberating day -- and it was cheating if "because Momma's head will explode" was used in situations in which Momma's head would not actually explode. Sometimes the "whys" are clear and universal. Sometimes they are family specific but should probably be universal ("because in this family, we treat all people with dignity and saying 'stupidhead' (or whatever) doesn't do that" is a good enough reason). They needed to know that actions had specific and real consequences.
It turned out my kids weren't trying to terrorize me, and I've been doing a pretty good job making sure they don't terrorize anyone else. And that's not a bad goal.

D.A.D.

2009-02-23T19:27:00.002-05:00

What do you all think about "David After Dentist"? David was coming 'round from a dental use of ketamine when his Dad caught his safe but delirious behavior.
If you haven't seen it, you can check it out on YouTube (a certain someone says if I link to it, and you decide it's exploitative, I will have participated in the exploitation). I find the idea of the Remixes most troubling . . .

Oscar Recap

2009-02-23T10:20:00.002-05:00

The Oscars were shorter and sweeter than usual, with the exception of the ill-conceived "Musical is Back"! number. I was not too surprised to learn that it was Baz Luhrman's work, without the time or budget to support his usual audacity.
I worry, though, that any social conservatives who DID happen to watch the show came away only with a combination of Bill Maher's "silly gods" comment (you all know how I feel about Maher -- last night I suggested that he'd "Michael-Moored it") and Sean Penn's quotation of epithets hurled on their way into the Kodak theater "C*mmie h*m*lovers" (I've starred only because I don't want people who hurl these kinds of epithets showing up and hurling them at me) to reinforce their view of Hollywood, artists, unions and unionizers, those who support equal rights and equal protections, humanitarians etc -- as in "See, I told you they were Godless . . ."

Predictions

2009-02-22T18:48:00.002-05:00

Oscars start around bedtime, so we won't be going anywhere to watch. Here are my predictions, and Dr.Bloom's:

Actor, Leading:
A: Sean Penn
Dr.B: Mickey Rourke

Actor, Supporting:
Both: Emotional favorite Heath Ledger

Actress, Leading:
BothL Surprising ourselves, Kate Winslet

Actress, Supporting:
A: Penelope Cruz
Dr.B: Marisa Tomei

Animated Feature:
Both: Wall-E all the way

Art Direction:
Benjamin Button for Both

Cinematography:
Both: Slumdog Millionaire

Directing:
Both: Slumdog

Best Picture:
Both: Slumdog (unless there's a Slumdog Backlash.)

Sound and Sound Editing should both go to Wall-E (they won't -- they'll go to the Dark Knight). Screenplay should go to Wall-E (that'll go to Milk or Frozen River). Adapted Screenplay will ride the Slumdog sweep, but I could see Doubt getting the recognition I hear it deserved.

Happy Hollywood Partying.

2009-02-20T21:17:00.002-05:00

Dear LittleOne,
There's nothing more we can do but wait. First for NOC; in a couple months, guardianship.
Daddy called home from work and your sister, Miss I., asked "Hey, Dad, when is LittleOne coming home?" It used to be, "Hey, Dad, when are you coming home?"
Miss I has decided that girls are "amazin'" and that boys are "not so amazin.'" Your poor brother Littlebun -- he's pretty amazin.' You'll see. You'll have an interesting dynamic, I'm sure, you three.
We're missing your birthday next week. We missed Miss I's birthday too -- but we didn't know it when we missed it.
You probably have some teeth now -- but we can't tell from the pictures. Miss I threw her head back and laughed, in the worst of circumstances, in a hot room full of crying babies, while she was still healing from chicken pox, revealing for the first time four marvelous teeth. Who was tiny this person who, for all the tragedy, could find something so extraordinarily funny?
You're holding your tongue over your teeth(?), lips barely parted, eyebrows furrowed. I look at the same pictures over and over, looking for something I hadn't noticed before -- but I've already read each detail, and I could draw the image. I know your birthmark from four angles, but you are a mystery. I can't wait to find out who you are -- and who I will become, as I become your Momma.

Teaching Tolerance

2009-02-20T16:33:00.003-05:00

If the experience of the internets is representative, hate is on the rise as the economy falls. I wanted to bring your attention to a great resource, tolerance.org, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Washy . . . Thursday?

2009-02-19T12:13:00.003-05:00

When my schedule changed, Washy Wednesday went away -- and no other day took its place. I find myself cleaning at 11 o'clock at night, when I have a last bit of energy, or not cleaning at all.
My new(ish) friend Aster is coming today. I'm quite sure Aster's house is never a mess. So I'm cleaning bottom to top today, while hoping that she someday becomes the kind of friend you don't have to clean for (shout out to my bffs, for whom I really DO TRY to clean . . . but who forgive me when I don't).

False Alarm

2009-02-16T20:04:00.002-05:00

Sfiha bubbled over in the oven, and if Little Bun and Dr.Bloom hadn't been playing video games, they would have heard that the alarm system was giving us fair warning before calling the fire department. Our siren never went off, and the alarm company tried to call us back -- on our home number, despite the fact that the alarm captures the line in an emergency.
In moments, firemen were on my porch. They were prompt and personable and tried to reassure me that these things happen, even in firemen's own homes. They were happy to meet the kids, and to agree with me that children should not run from -- but to -- firemen if ever there is a real fire.
Tonight over dinner we discussed our emergency plan, and Little Bun took notes.

How to make Sfiha:

1 t yeast
1 c warm water
2 t sugar
3 c flour
1 t salt
1/3 c olive oil

Add sugar and 1/2 c of the warm water to yeast. Allow it to become frothy. Prepare dough with rest of above ingredients. Set aside.

Filling
1-2 onions
16 oz ground meat (s/b lamb, though we used beef. Sorry, veggies, it was a rare meat night)
16 oz diced tomatoes (drain)
salt
1/2 t cayenne, 1/2 t cinnamon, 1/2 t allspice

Divide dough into four balls. Flatten into circles. Place filling in center of dough circles on baking tray. Fold edges up to make rough squares. If you don't want to summon the fire department, be sure the edges are going to stay up OR use a baking sheet with sides. Top with cheddar cheese. Bake at 350 for 30 min or until dough is golden and meat is thoroughly cooked.

How to escape from my house in the event of an actual fire:

"If the fire is upstairs, run douwnstairs. Use backdoor our front door. Meet on H's porch. If the fire is douwnstairs, go out a window. Meet on H's porch."

Waiting for 7.7.7.0

2009-02-10T22:40:00.003-05:00

Over the last few days, I've received the message "Waiting for 7.7.7.0" in the bottom left of my screen when I've tried to do a Google Search. Thereafter, I've received normal-looking searches that link to nowhere or to unrelated sites.
Malwarebytes and Spybot S&D missed it. The trojan may have already been removed but the file remained: a second file labeled wdmaud tucked away in my system32 folder (the sysaudio, NOT the driver). I read this means my searches were being run past the NSA. I read somewhere else they were being run through someone's house, in Bulgaria. Either way, someone has been very very bored -- and very very bad.

This is going to happen

2009-02-09T13:19:00.002-05:00

Our specialist tells me. And she tells me of the beauty of the landscape, and the potential for carsickness, and the likelihood that our daughter -- who loves her caregivers very much -- will resent our presence at first (and that this is a good sign of a child capable of attaching). The latter, I assure her, were have already experienced. She tells us she thinks we'll travel by May.

More Misadventures Part II

2009-02-09T12:34:00.001-05:00

It's been found.
Our only glitch?
Stay tuned.

More Misadventures

2009-02-09T10:59:00.003-05:00

Our dossier -- complete, accompanied by $300 in apostilles -- is lost. We lost the tracking number as soon as it showed on the USPS website as "delivered." Who knows how many more weeks it'll be 'til our baby now.
Dear Littleone, We're trying.

Why I "Hate" the Octuplets' Mom

2009-02-07T13:53:00.005-05:00

I just read an article trying to explain why national interest in the octuplets' mom turned to national abhorrence. Why we loved it: It's like hitting the lottery. Why we hate it: It's like hitting the lottery, and we're jealous. Another explanation tied reactions to the economy: This woman seems to have missed that we're in a period of contraction -- and here she is, expanding. That might be why the numbers are disturbing, why her family of 14 by 33 seems excessive and indulgent. Many people resent her disability payments from a previous job, and wonder if they'll be paying for her hubris.
Or it might be because she willingly engaged in a practice likely to result in extreme prematurity, intrauterine growth restriction and very low birth weight.
Having decided against a pregnancy that would knowingly result in prematurity, vlbw and probably iugr, I admit to having had difficulty being compassionate to a former friend, a mother of one from a healthy pregnancy and one extremely premature second child, who decided to have another pregnancy AMA, knowing that the next baby would be delivered even earlier. They always wanted a big family, modern medicine can do so much, the age of viability gets younger and younger, there are always miracles, prayer is powerful . . . I never said it, but I just kept thinking "What are you thinking?" She didn't know why I couldn't see it the same way and have another pregnancy too.
If I knew the octuplets' mom, I would be eight times as challenged in the area of compassion. She is a limit case of reproductive intervention. She (unfortunately) calls into question all IVF (is it only okay if there is a dad? If he's employed? If she isn't crazy? Are homestudies necessary intrusions for reproductive technology candidates? Who gets to decide?) She makes me think "What are any of us thinking?" So quickly, the discussion in some quarters turned from "Good for her for giving her embryos their deserved chance at life!" and "Good for her for not selectively aborting!" to "Did you know she was once on disbility, is a single woman, is Iraqi . . . and that she's selling her story?!"
Certainly rarer is the mention that these kids are someday going to be grown-ups, and they would have every right to be pretty darn mad that she chose to give them a less than optimal start -- on purpose -- and somebody helped her do it.

(Tongue Firmly in Cheek)

2009-02-05T21:56:00.002-05:00

It has come to my attention that I might be biased against white people.

I asked Dr.Bloom, who is objective and credible.

He thought perhaps I might be: after all, I'm far harder on him than on the black members of our family (one of whom, LittleOne, I've never yelled at at all).

However, he realized that this could also be sexism -- though I'm nicer to Little Bun, too.

So we settled on ageism.

From the Security Files

2009-02-04T21:14:00.001-05:00

This is a must read.

Popcorn All Over Again

2009-02-04T20:35:00.002-05:00

Miss I is learning to read, and she's practicing letter sounds all the time. So when we had popcorn I said "Puh Puh Puh Popcorn. Popcorn starts with . . ."
"P," Little Bun absently filled in the blank.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh! I was going to say that!" Miss I screamed before dissolving into tears that lasted a good while.

This morning in the car, Little Bun was talking about Dr.Bloom's birthday ("Do you want MarioKart for the Wii, Daddy?")
"How old will you be?" Little Bun asked.
"How old do you think I'm going to be?"
"33?" he guessed.
"Ohhhhhhhhh" began the wail from the carseat beside.
"Ugh," Little Bun sighed. "It's 'Popcorn' all over again."

2009-02-03T20:02:00.004-05:00

I don't know how I missed the misogynist Teleflora campaign during the Super Bowl -- I was probably just so happy. But it's come to my attention (via Dawn) that they've stepped in it again:

Jezebel points out that they seem not to have learned from the "non-mom mom" disaster, and posts all three commercials, one of which includes the stunner "No one wants to see you naked."

Someone should send them congratulations flowers . . . in a box . . . just so they'd get the (right) message.

2009-02-02T10:46:00.002-05:00

With a child on the way and a parent just diagnosed with a major illness, we're just joining those of you who are already "sandwiched." I thought we were too young, and that our lives already had enough adventure for us to have regular things happen too and also, that there would always be time.

2009-01-28T10:59:00.003-05:00

Many months ago, Miss I had decided to "say hello" to every "brown person" we encountered. Even longer than that, she was firmly set on"Hi-ing" them. Both of these things were humorously (usually, anyway) time consuming, because we walk ds to school, which is fifty percent aa (students, faculty and administration), our church is multiracial with a black pastor, our grocery store is in a diverse neighborhood . . .

Now, she has decided to hug every brown person we see.

In general we haven't have problems with indiscriminate affection, but Miss I does not have a good sense of personal space. This is coupled with the fact that she generally believes that people are basically good and that everyone wants a hug and specifically, from her. Over time, I had gotten used to explaining to strangers that we were working on attachment in order to deflect their attention or explain her behavior. I haven't had to do so much lately, and it is disconcerting to be doing it once again, particularly in relationship specifically to race. When she's so clear that she wants to hug someone specifically and only because he is brown, I feel unspoken judgment passed on me and pity for her from the would-be hug-ee.

You Know You are an Unconventional Parent with Weird Kids When:

2009-01-25T19:05:00.001-05:00

You answer this question about Blink-182's 'All the Small Things': "Why does it matter that he knows she'll be at his show?"

With this: "You know how in Super Trouper she won't feel blue (like she always do) because somewhere in the crowd . . ."

One of our dossier docs:

2009-01-25T19:03:00.002-05:00

Dear (LittleOne's Country),

I thout of the idea of having a nother baby.

So I DO agree.

Little Bun.

I'm Sharing THIS MOMENT with YOU!

2009-01-20T12:05:00.000-05:00

Congratulations, Mr. President.

Living the Dream

2009-01-19T10:57:00.003-05:00

It was with special excitement Little Bun read in Martin's Big Words (Doreen Rapaport, illustrated by Brian Collier): "I have a dream that one day in Alabama little black boys and black girls will join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers." Little Bun and Miss I figure we are, quite literally (they're 7 and 4, afterall) "living the dream."
Little Bun realized long ago that families like ours couldn't exist in a nation where we couldn't even drink from the same water fountain or swim in the same pool. It dawned on my children today that our family has the blessed opportunity to help to "speed up that day when all of God's children -- [Miss I] and [Little Bun], [the 'Israeli in our attic'] and [Momma], [Daddy] and [Grandma Bloom] -- will be able to join hands and to sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last, free at last; thank God Almighty, we are free at last." (examples provided by Little Bun and Miss I). I am overcome with the responsibility.

Hotel for Dogs

2009-01-17T10:50:00.003-05:00

Like many parents trying to relieve cabin fever during the deep freeze, we went to see Hotel for Dogs yesterday afternoon. I was very surprised, unpleasantly in parts, but mostly pleasantly.
I didn't know that the main characters, Andi and Bruce, were foster children on their fifth home, or that their current foster parents were Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon, musicians better suited to Rock Band than performing their rock music live. The FPs kept the refrigerator and the pantry bolted, and like all other foster families before them, didn't know Andi and Bruce were still trying to keep their dog Friday on the fire escape. Andi and Bruce commit minor crimes in order to feed Friday, and their antics escalate -- but with the feel of necessity -- over the course of the film.
Andi and Bruce are clearly loved by their social worker, Don Cheadle, the most consistent adult figure in their lives over the past three years. But when he finds them a promising placement -- three hours away with a fine family -- can they accept? By that time they are running the dog hotel.
Andi has kept it secret from their new friends that she is a foster child. She has to tell lies and more lies to keep the secret. Still, she is becoming attached to these friends, and it's clear that the kids can't leave the dogs . . .
"Adopt," "adopt," "adopt," as an alternative to being destroyed (the enemy is a "kill" shelter) rubs me the wrong way as it does in real life, and it's compounded by the analogy between the foster children and the dogs they foster covertly. This has raised questions from Miss I about whether dogs ever stay with their natural families, and whether our dog should have been allowed to stay with her natural mother (not on the "foster farm" from which we retrieved her). Clearly these questions are not actually about the dog.
Andi's burgeoning romantic relationship with a pet store employee raised concerns for me about dating and age -- after all, Andi is a minor (16), attending a party that appears to be unchaperoned to meet a boy who might be 18. And of course, they kiss, which the movie (and this mom) could have done without.
I won't give it all away. I will however confess that I cried at the entirely predictable ending -- I kind of liked Cheadle as a social services employee that could also be a hero.

2009-01-15T13:44:00.002-05:00

Little Bun learned some "bad" words on the gifted bus, but he didn't quite get them right. He tried out the shock value of "wiss" one day: "Momma, I have to 'wiss.'" I was confused, until he left the room, at which point I realized that "wiss" was a combination of "whiz" and "p*ss."
The other day he tried out a new one: "Miss I, you are a B-R-I-T-C-H" -- "Did I get it right? What's the right word?"
Miss I is not a britch, and he was reprimanded for trying to swear, particularly in gendered terms. The latter is worse to me than the former, which is why I almost feel guilty for thinking "Ann Coulter, you are a colossal britch."

2009-01-14T11:14:00.006-05:00

I had posted an ungenerous vent, so I am replacing it with a thank you to Susan for her generous comment even when I was being unkind . . .

The Trouble with Harry

2009-01-12T22:28:00.002-05:00

Poor little rich boy Prince Harry probably didn't realize he'd stepped in it. In explaining his "accidental" (naive) racism, other members of the British army present for you plenty of other insults.

2009-01-11T22:19:00.003-05:00

SIL asked me tonight how I like our wii fit, and I declared my love without reservation. And then I ticked off my list of other things I love. I don't gush (those who know me in real life can testify to this). But here is a list of things I could gush about:

Wii fit.
TiVo.
The Roomba.
Bosch dishwasher (can you hear it? Neither can I).
Tina Fey.
Slumdog Millionaire.

The Good Kind of Entitlement

2009-01-08T20:43:00.004-05:00

I need to feel entitled to my children. I probably wrote about this a long time ago, but I had a difficult time feeling entitled to Little Bun because of the dramatic nature of the pregnancy and the near-loss during delivery. I worried that, because he had survived, because he was -- as he says -- "the boy who lived" -- I'd never put him in time out. I had a difficult time feeling entitled to Miss I because I know that she was loved very much by her first family, who cared for her for fifteen months. But the good kind of entitlement is necessary for effective parenting.
Because of the "bad" kind of entitlement ("our birthmother" etc) entitlement in adoption gets a bad rap. It's tied to all kinds of things -- including my concern here, "naming and claiming."
There have been many fantastic posts about name changing, why people did and why they didn't and whether or not they would do it again. Adoptees saddened that their names have been changed, first families wounded by a name change.
But I have to admit: I would never feel entitled to parent a child who had been named a "junior."
We were presented with a situation in which the child's mother said it was imperative that the child's name not be changed. The child's name connected him to his father. She was not ready to choose not to parent that child, and this is one of the things that communicated this to us.
And then we were referred our daughter. We had chosen names to add in some place, and left the placement contingent on her name. The meaning of her name broke my heart, and to share it would be to share too much of her story. And that was the problem. The meaning of her name communicated the reason for her relinquishment. Would everyone know what the meaning was? Of course not. Would I? Certainly. Would it impede the development of my "good entitlement"? No doubt, for a time.
And yet -- if I would have known that I soon would have connected a name of sorrows to a beautiful girl who was bubbling over with life, I probably would have kept it as her first name -- second names (and especially second MIDDLE names) are too easily dropped. But I love her name -- and so does she, and she is proud of the story and her name's meaning, and the way her name resonates with our family's other names.
Like all adoptive parents who've changed a child's name, we have every intention of supporting her decision to revert to her first given name at any point. For no clear reason, Little Bun has decided to go by his middle name at school, and we raise an eyebrow but no more.
But would we make the same choice again?
This is not hypothetical. I'm looking at the picture of a little girl, LittleOne, who has a name (it isn't LittleOne) and a life that has nothing to do with me -- yet . . .
I used to think, like most prospective adoptive parents, that naming was not an example of the bad kind of entitlement so much as a necessity for the good kind. Now I think it isn't necessarily "bad" but it isn't necessary for the "good." There are so many routes to the good kind of entitlement . . . and there's so much to learn along the way.

Melkam Genna!

2009-01-07T10:06:00.001-05:00

Why the Country Switch? And how?

2009-01-05T15:18:00.004-05:00

We've been asked, in person, in comment and email, and by Little Bun, who swears he has an Ethiopian brother out there:
We switched because that's where LittleOne is. We were waiting for a referral for Ethiopia, with openness to a range of medical and developmental issues as well as social and background issues (as before), and in the meantime, we were checking our agency's Waiting International Child list. There was LittleOne, whose needs matched our family's capabilities and preparation and special needs homestudy approval. We were aware that we would not be approved for their regular adoption process, but could be approved for a waiting child.
And so it is that we are on this new adventure. We've already begun exploring how to become a tri-cultural family -- fortunately, we have many friends and colleagues who share her birth culture and even region and we're looking forward to the challenge.

LittleOne (or, Moses is a girl)

2009-01-05T08:59:00.005-05:00

At about the same time as we started actually waiting for Moses, LittleOne started waiting too, only she wasn't waiting in Ethiopia. I can't share too many details this early in the process (and because her country has advised against blogging) but LittleOne has big, beautiful brown eyes, and Miss I is delighted to have another brown girl in our family. LittleOne's adoption is a special needs adoption, and LittleOne is an amazing little girl.

I am amazed that we found one another, but now our paperwork has to do the same.

Practically, there are two major complications. The first is that LittleOne is waiting in a country with an often slow court process and a disinclination toward international adoption except for in the cases of waiting children. Documentation procedures are strict, and several court dates are necessary. This is a good thing, but it means that it'll take some time to bring her home. The second, for those who know international adoption, is that Ethiopia is not a Hague country, so adoptions are still processed under I-600as, while LittleOne is in a Hague country, requiring I-800as for all new applicants. We are a "transition case," because our original I-600a was filed before the U.S. became a Hague country and our I-600a is still valid. We have been assured by phone that this will be fine, but we'll feel better when we know that the new country has received our CIS approval. And of course, this all means another dossier. Minor complications involve travel: Ethiopian adoption is common enough now that adoption week is relatively organized and predictable (as predictable as international travel can be). Large travel groups stay together and help one another out. LittleOne's country is not sending many children abroad right now/anymore (again, a good thing ultimately), only Waiting Children/Special Needs adoption, so we will be a bit more on our own.

On learning of LittleOne, Dr.Bloom's mentor blurted out "Who the hell are you? Angelina?" It was the third or fourth time we'd been asked that question since we learned of LittleOne, but as Miss I points out, no I am not: "Momma has a chubby tummy."

So now you know. I have a chubby tummy, and I have another daughter. If only two governments will see it our way soon. We hope to have her home not too long after her first birthday.

It's Not What it Sounds Like

2009-01-04T18:13:00.002-05:00

I told dd that if she opened the box for her new puzzle in the car, it would likely spill, and she might lose pieces. As I expected, puzzle pieces dumped when dh parked the car. As he unstrapped her and lifted her out of the car, dd screamed in dismay "Momma is wight. Momma is wight!!!!" which of course sounded like she was distraught that "Momma is white!" to the people passing by, even though she really just meant I was right.

2008-12-30T10:24:00.002-05:00

The problem with loving so many people is that everything is personal. Maybe leaders of nations should have their children and brothers and cousins in Baghdad, in Tel Aviv, in Gaza, in nuclear-capable India or Pakistan.
We have loved ones in three embattled zones right now, one reassures me that he is thirty minutes from the bombing. This is not reassuring to me.

My prayer for the New Year is the prayer of St Francis of Assisi: Lord, make us instruments of thy peace . . .

2008-12-29T23:35:00.002-05:00

In some ways it's easier to adopt the second time. Some of the things we learned the first time, intellectually, emotionally, bureaucratically, apply.
The thing knowing doesn't change: how strange it is to go to bed when your child is waking up on another continent.

GOP's still not for POC

2008-12-29T14:24:00.003-05:00

I cannot understand how reaction can be "split" in the GOP to the inclusion of a "parody" that debut on Rush Limbagh's radio show in a Christmas compilation cd for RNC members. How parody will be received depends on the context.

Here's the context, as reported in the New York Times:

"There are no black Republicans in Congress, and a party spokesman could name only 2 blacks among the 168 members of the national committee. Katon Dawson, the chairman of the South Carolina Republican Party, resigned from an all-white country club in preparing for his campaign to be party chairman."

On smelling and spelling

2008-12-28T20:32:00.002-05:00

Post-adenoidectomy, Miss I can smell things she'd never smelled before, and with what intensity! She describes smells everywhere we go. A whole new sense-world has opened up for her.
She's also learning to spell.
The combination resulted in this Miss I-ism, at an ice cream parlor:
"I smell D.A.W."
"What?!"
"Wait . . . how do you spell 'mint chocolate chip'?"

Scarlet Letters for the Blue and Orange

2008-12-22T16:19:00.003-05:00

An MSN Money writer informs us that without the bailout, citibank "would have reneged on a $400 million, 20-year deal to name the new Mets stadium "Citi Field." Now, one New York pol quipped, "Citi-Taxpayer Field" might be a better name.""
Why a quip? I'd like to start or help out with a campaign to actually name the new Mets stadium "Taxpayer Field."

PS I don't understand the difference between a Ponzi scheme and the late economy in general.

And Modest, Too!

2008-12-22T10:46:00.002-05:00

An elderly woman remarked to her husband in passing dd at the grocery store: "She's beautiful." Dd said sincerely, "She's right. I am."

2008-12-21T13:01:00.003-05:00

Miss I and I reviewed the process it took to bring her home recently to prepare her for the wait for Littleone, but like any 3 year old, she was still disappointed when our social worker showed up without her. "Where's my baby?" she demanded when I opened the door.
Miss I tried to keep me up late Friday night in order to do the paperwork standing between us and Littleone. "What do you have to do?! Your name, your age, how you feel . . ." and then you "get on a plane."
If only it were that easy, Miss I.

Thankfulness

2008-12-18T09:40:00.001-05:00

Our adoption has brought some really terrific people into our lives, and today, I am feeling so very grateful for them.
Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Another "Easy for You to Say"

2008-12-17T21:46:00.002-05:00

I read something today that reminded me of when our first social worker told us that she understood our openness to a child of African descent since we already had one that looked like us.
Unintentionally, adoptive parents who are trying to challenge a hierarchization of children available for adoption sometimes reproduce it, saying things like "Yes, but your children are healthy, white infants as young as possible." "Healthy" "white" and "infant" are combined, and the opposite of that combination is presumably a hypothetical "medical special needs brown toddler/older child," and you can see the implications . . .

"Can't Take it Anymore"?! Is it That Bad?!

2008-12-14T20:44:00.004-05:00

Come on, people! I'm serious (see post below). You can even be anonymous.

I just read a thread called something like "Can't Take it Anymore" on another site, and the "it" was Christmas shopping. She still needs something for her husband, and a "helpful" poster seriously suggested a Honeybaked Ham. I am laughing so hard I'm crying (I'm so sorry if you're That Poster). But I'm just trying to imagine how Doctor Bloom would react if he unwrapped a Honeybaked Ham on Christmas. He'd love it about as much as I'd love the Bratzcam below (Fortunately, we're already done. See my Roomba review).

(Anyone who needs an affordable and responsible present for a small boy: We just gave a friend's child a Galimoto and at first he had no idea why, and about fifteen minutes later he was thrilled. Look ma, no batteries. I'm going back to buy another one for my own kids tomorrow.)

Gift Recommendations

2008-12-13T09:34:00.005-05:00

I have one, and I need one. If you have the answer, and need another, leave a comment!

Have: The Princess and the Pea by Rachel Isadora ($11 on Amazon). This retelling of the story has an African Prince in search of his Princess from among the North African nations. Selam! Jambo, Habari! Iska Waran! Dd and her preschool class love the illustrations, and the fact that they have a couple more ways to say "Hello" to visitors. A great gift for your little girl.

Need: Another idea for a soldier recently deployed to Iraq. We're putting a carepackage together on Christmas day for my cousin. We've gotten him the Mobile Foodie kit from flight101. It includes minitins of spices, a little wasabi, and a tiny tabasco. What else? When our loved one in the Navy was deployed, we sent her PowerBars (which the Post Office misunderstood not as "food" but as electronics, delaying delivery. Complete your declaration carefully . . .) We've heard others requested socks and pajama pants. But I hear that there is a Wal-Mart near base. Is that true? Should that affect what goes in a carepackage?

A Shot in the Heart

2008-12-11T22:51:00.003-05:00

For anyone who thinks attachment issues ever really end:
Miss I's surgery was more than a week ago, and she's been feeling much better, but she's also been crying . . . and screaming . . . and waking during the night. She's refused her favorite babysitter's attention on a visit, and asked a friend of mine to take this dictation: "Dear Momma, I want S. to go home" while I was in the room but S. was (intending to be) playing with her.
But nothing compares to the manifestness of the expression of her anxiety in preschool. I've even been staying in preschool to ease the transition, which is how I know.
Her teacher brought out the play doctor's kit in part because so many of the children were curious about her surgery and hospitals and this would deflect attention from Miss I's surgery specifically and perhaps give her a space to explore her feelings. Explore she did. Miss I took the role of doctor, had her teacher K become the patient. When she gave K a pretend shot in the arm, she leaned in, and with menace, said "Now you're never ever ever ever gonna see your Momma again." K said brightly, "I know my Momma always comes for me," to which Miss I replied in a sing-song voice with mock disbelief "O-Kaaaaaaay."

2008-12-11T19:02:00.002-05:00

If you delivered for FedEx, and it was THIS close to Christmas, and you were delivering a really big box that said BIKE with a big pink picture to match, would you ring the doorbell picture side out?!
I opened the door, Miss I directly behind me. "IT WAS A SECRET!" I said, in shock. "Well it isn't anymore," he replied, affectlessly.

Something I Never Thought I Would Have to Say

2008-12-07T19:42:00.001-05:00

"You can wrestle with your brother, or you can watch the Nutcracker, but you can't wrestle with your brother at the Nutcracker."

I Need Africa More Than Africa Needs Me

2008-12-05T12:34:00.001-05:00

Fine Print Continued

2008-12-03T22:32:00.002-05:00

My dear friend asked in the comments to the last post about the guardianship papers issue:
Dh dropped us off and I signed in while he parked the car. The first nurse to see us asked Miss I "Who did you bring with you?" and when she answered "Mommy!" that seemed good enough. Later the anesthesia PA said, "I assume one of you is not the natural parent of this child." I discreetly handed him a bc copy, but he said "Oh, I don't need that." "Funny," I said, "Your pre-op paperwork says it will be required." This came as a surprise to him!

2008-12-02T20:30:00.002-05:00

Miss I is doing very well. We're finally in a room -- it took a long time to be assigned one -- and she's just gone to sleep.
She's a fighter, and she tried to fight off the anesthesia just out of the OR, so she was "out of sorts" . . . So out of sorts that she punched me in the face (she has no memory of this). After a bit more sedative and a long sleep, she was fine. It wasn't until her brother arrived that she tried to eat and drink, and ultimately, smiled. She sat on his lap for awhile (a comical sight, as she's very tall and only about seven pounds lighter) and he reassured her that he'd take care of her at home too. I'm so proud of both of them.

2008-12-01T19:20:00.001-05:00

Miss I's hair was beautifully braided in small, loose braids. They were so beautiful that she decided to save some of them. So she snipped two from the front at preschool today, and stored one in her bin.
Before I unbraided, I was terrified that I'd find she'd given herself a mullet, but it isn't too bad. It will mean no ponytails for awhile, lots of flat twists, and maybe extensions :)

The Island of Misfit Toys

2008-11-30T21:48:00.002-05:00

The following toys should never have been made for what I would have thought would have been obvious reasons:
Darth Vader Learning Laptop
B-Bratz Webcam
WWE Role Play Superstar Gear
Gwen Stefani wind-up doll
A toy that has this note from a previous buyer: "Be aware that the microphone does not work like a real microphone... it is only a remote control."
Somewhere in the clearance section is a remote control that works like a microphone.

Be Sure to Read the Fine Print

2008-11-29T20:25:00.003-05:00

From the preparing for surgery booklet for Miss I's surgery Tuesday:
"If you are not the biological parent (natural mother or father) of the child, you must bring copies of court documents of your legal right to give consent for the procedure and anesthesia."
Yet later, "If you are not the biological or adoptive parent, but you do have guardianship, please bring legal proof of guardianship." So adoptive parents may or may not be required to present documents supporting their legal right to give consent for the care of their children. If I have any questions about this, I can speak with a social worker in advance of admission.
Oy.

Around My Mother's Table(s)

2008-11-28T16:24:00.002-05:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving with two tables this year. A twenty-some pound turkey and an extra turkey breast. And the following guests:

Grandma and Pappap Gardener
My siblings and their spouses
My parents' grandchildren (6 total kiddos)
Aunt and Uncle
Aunt and Uncle's adult daughter
Aunt and Uncle's soldier son
Soldier son's soldier friend
Soldier friend's young wife
Soldier friend's young wife's mother
Uncle Gardener
Grammy and Grandpa Bloom

This year, we missed many, but we were blessed to spend the holiday giving thanks with people we'd never met before we passed the plates. There were three vocal and committed members of the right side of the Republican party, two libertarians, a few public educators, two pacifists and two paratroopers. I hope your holiday was as blessed.

Why Did I Wonder

2008-11-21T09:12:00.001-05:00

"Momma, sometimes when I get out of the shower and my skin is shiny I look like dark chocolate."
"I wonder what I look like . . ."
"Ham."

I'd Like to Buy the World a Roomba

2008-11-20T18:42:00.003-05:00

Do you remember "I'd like to buy the world a Coke . . ."?
If I could, I would buy everyone who reads here a Roomba. I love my new Roomba so much, I really want to spread the completely uncynical love I feel for my new Roomba 535 to your house, and yours, and yours . . . She makes me happy, with her happy green clean glow, her little blue dirt light and her dedication to fetching dog hair.

Targetting Target

2008-11-17T21:03:00.002-05:00

Moms are mad.
Target online had the Britax Marathon carseat in grey and cowprint on sale for what appeared to be a close-out price. I had promised not to buy anything for newbaby, because we are months away and it only makes the waiting harder. But the price was too good to pass up. We'd just hold onto it until we had someone to put in it.
It was also too good to be true. Target apologized today to apparently millions of angry moms for the "inconvenience" of the mispriced item, cancelling the order and offering to sell it for the regular retail price of $279. But here's the problem: they also offered some moms $30 credits for their troubles. They offered other moms $10 credits for their troubles. They offered still other moms no satisfaction. It will cost them far more than $30 per mom in the next few days while they field an extraordinary volume of phone calls, while still other moms decide to take their online business elsewhere. I pity the customer service reps who take those calls. I'm just taking my Christmas shopping to another site.

More Nastiness at the Bloom Household

2008-11-16T18:12:00.001-05:00

"I don't like you, Momma!" This is familiar -- and I responded with my familiar "I can understand that, but you do have to respect me." Only this time she followed it up with "Not even GOD likes you."
Wow. Now who can top that?!

Some things are better left unsaid.

2008-11-15T19:57:00.002-05:00

Little Bun was furious with his dad.
So furious that, despite no name-calling in our family, he said "You're a freak," and when that didn't make him feel better, repeated over and over "freak, freak, freak, freak, freak . . ." His dad, to prove (I suppose) that it wasn't getting to him, said "Say what you have to. Get it all out . . ." Little Bun blurted "Sh*t," which was followed by stunned silence from both.
Dr.Bloom suggested several punishments, but I feel that "Sh*t" was possibly covered by "Say what you have to" and "Get it all out."

Language Bomb

2008-11-14T16:45:00.000-05:00

Share with your friends prone to hyperbole.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (with spoilers)

2008-11-11T12:56:00.003-05:00

We didn't expect anything serious to come out of the second Madagascar. We just wanted to do something with the kids that didn't entail sick Mommy moving. We were surprised, more than once.

The movie begins with young Alekei in an African Wildlife Preserve, clearly the treasured son of the pride's Alpha male. While his father is occupied fighting the Beta-lion (voiced by Alec Baldwin, looking very much the feline version of the actor) the toddling cub is lured off the reserve. His father tries to save him (and for a moment appears to be shot) and Alekei is washed away. Soon a rescued Alekei turns up in the Central Park Zoo, renamed "Alex," and we are back in the familiar territory of the original film.

A quick sequence takes us through what has brought our four heroes to Madagascar (a device some reviewers found annoying but I found fun) and soon, they take off in a fragile plane, only to be grounded on the continent proper. Soon Alex realizes that he has landed on his native ground, and he is reunited with his father and mother (and the film explicitly refers to Roots). Alex/Alekei finds what he has always been missing (though the performing King of New York has no survival skills necessary for the King of the Watering Hole). Marty finds that in the zebra herd, he doesn't stand out anymore. Gloria finds true love.

Alex/Alekei's forced removal from Africa and separation from his doting father and his renaming was hard for the Bloom family. Thankfully, however, it affirmed that Alex/Alekei had always been loved at home, and in the end, the adult Alex was who he was in a combination of nature (as a cub he was inclined to dancing) and nurture, in Africa and in the Central Park Zoo, by his beloved friends. Marty, too.

More conservative families may find objectionable a penguin's romance with a dancing hula girl, and the interspecies infatuation of a giraffe and a hippo. Of course, this is no less weird than the polymorphic perverse (in the Freudian sense) King Julian, who comes along for the ride.

Her Nose and th Unknown

2008-11-11T12:02:00.002-05:00

Everyone here at Chez Bloom is sick -- except for Miss I. I have spent about a week under blankets, a week during which Miss I has petted my head and said things like "Oh Mommy, you're so cute." That's real love -- because I assure you there is nothing actually cute about me right now.

Miss I. hasn't been sick, but she is having surgery soon. After two years of house-shaking snoring and sleep apnea, speech difficulties (which, to be honest, I will miss), and a permanent runny nose (which I won't miss -- while I'm generally opposed to retouching photographs I can say I have digitally wiped her nose more than once), she'll be having a tonsil and adenoidectomy.

The risks of the procedure are relatively low, and certainly less than a lifetime of sleep apnea. But this is one of those times were *adoption* becomes an issue (as if it isn't part of our daily lives, which I don't mean to imply). Because we don't have a family history, her ENT has more concerns about bleeding and post-op complications. We're running a battery of pre-op tests, and they're planning on keeping her for two days even though most patients go home after one. I'm sure everything will be fine, and in comparison to the experiences of one of our beautiful friends, this is nothing -- but it is something that reminds us how much harder the road is for adoptees. Family members assure me that surgery on your child is always scary (which I know to be true from experience with Little Bun) but this, like so many things already, comes with the added unknown -- and there's only more to come.

Hope and Joy

2008-11-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

I wish I had something prepared for this occasion, but despite the fact that I looked forward to this moment, I suppose part of me didn't actually think it would come.
Two things that strike me as just right, and what's right with America:
1. Obama won by a clear majority. No hanging chads, no court cases, no conspiracies, no electoral college upsets, no last ditch smears (not sincere efforts at "October surprises, anyway). If you believe in democracy, you have to accept the outcome -- even if you don't like it.
2. McCain's concession speech was genuine and gracious, and a reminder of the McCain so many would have wanted to see elected. Pre-shoring up the base, real deal McCain who has been friends with Joes Lieberman and Biden (pre-Joe the Plumber) would've made a worthier opponent.
One thing that's right with the world:
A national holiday in Kenya today.
One thing that Joe got right:
It didn't take long for a test to present, in this case for Russia to react.
Really, Russia? What, three hours?

2008-11-02T09:11:00.002-05:00

M,
I think I might have accidentally dressed as Palin on Halloween.
If not for the high brown boots, newly brunette (goodbye grey!) 'do, and good girl? glasses, why did two Texans follow me off a cliff -- even after I told them with a wink that I was clueless?

2008-10-29T16:15:00.001-04:00

"By the end of the week, he’ll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Me too . . . meeeee toooooooo.

2008-10-27T16:38:00.004-04:00

This is terrifying, and I worry that is only an indication of things to come.

Oh, and also . . . these guns were controlled. And look what happened. No civilian needs and uzi, and no child should ever fire one.

On Willful Misreadings

2008-10-27T14:51:00.007-04:00

From McCain's Ohio speech:

In a radio interview revealed today, he said that one of the quote -- "tragedies" of the civil rights movement is that it didn't bring about a redistribution of wealth in our society. He said, and I quote, "One of the tragedies of the Civil Rights movement was because the Civil Rights movement became so court-focused I think that there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing and activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalitions of power through which you bring about redistributive change."

McCain's willful misreading reveals desperation (PS radio shows are not "revealed" -- people heard it at the time! It wasn't private. It's been dug up and placed in a new context -- Joe the Plumber's imaginary America -- but it hasn't been "revealed.") McCain has misread that passage from a radio call-in show so badly that if he were my student, I'd make him go back and read it again. What he says in that passage is that reformers of the 1960s thought they could pursue their agenda through the courts -- but the constitution sets LIMITS rather than asserting possibilities. The courts were the appropriate place to seek the restoration of fundamental rights (voting for all people) but NOT the appropriate place to seek a shift in the economic disparity between (principally) white and black citizens. It was NOT the role of the courts to reinterpret the Constitution, but the responsibility of community organizations to advance the causes of the (principally) urban black poor, specific to changes in schools.

Further reporting on the radio show shows that "Obama, then an Illinois state senator and part-time law lecturer at the University of Chicago, defined ``redistribution'' as ``how do we get more money into the schools and how do we actually create equal schools and equal educational opportunity.''

Such an effort . . . failed because the high court ruled it had ``no power to examine issues on redistribution and wealth inequality with respect to schools,'' Obama said. The justices decided ``that is not a race issue, that's a wealth issue and we can't get into this.''"

It's not a bomb-shell. It's nothing new -- except that it shows that Obama understands the Constitution and the judiciary process and the civil rights movement and . . . In short, that he's smart, and he's a pragmatist.

The absolute worst reading I've seen has been that by Glen Beck, who breaks the quote into almost unintelligible parts and then says whatever he wants to say in between. If he's ever had an English teacher s/he should be reprimanded for passing someone who is clearly an incompetent reader.

I'm finished suffering fools lightly.

2008-10-26T17:06:00.001-04:00

Alaska's largest newspaper is probama.

The Financial Times has endorsed Obama as well.

Is that all that's on your mind?

2008-10-22T10:00:00.003-04:00

On the way to preschool today:

Miss I: I wish the steering wheel was on the other side.
Me: It is in England.
Miss I: I wish we could go there.
Me: Maybe we can sometime.
Miss I: I wish there was enough food for people in Ethiopia. I wish people didn't get sick.

So we talked, for a couple minutes, about how sometimes it's really hard to feel happy to be here and have me as her Mommy and sad about her family in Ethiopia too, and then she skipped happily to be with her friends.

But here's part of where it comes from:

Friend, to dh: Why doesn't she (Abebech) eat much meat?
Dh: Why does she do anything she does.
Friend: Social justice.

And we continued dinner.

W.

2008-10-20T11:43:00.003-04:00

I don't have time for a full movie review, but . . .
I went to see Oliver Stone's W. last night. I had high hopes for the film, despite my hatred for JFK -- I really loved Stone's Nixon, a meditation not just on the presidency but also on memory, personal and public. But despite Josh Brolin's brilliant performance (it really is!) W. doesn't work for a few reasons:

The rushed editing job looks rushed. Trying to get it out before November, Stone apparently quickly cut the film. It's especially clear in the scenes of his youth.

It's entirely too oriented to Daddy complex. "You're a disappointment, Junior." "Jeb, Jeb, Jeb." We get it. His Dad was an aristocratic statesman, an Episcopalian who made measured decisions and tried to keep the personal out of the political. Geo, intemperate in all ways -with alcohol, with women and later, with religion - could never please his father, and probably still hasn't. He should have stuck to baseball -- we know it, his Dad knows it.

In the War Room, despite the Kubrickian homage, it isn't sure of its appropriate affect. Dick Cheney demonstrates on the map why we must take Iraq and occupy it endlessly (Ultimately to isolate Iran, the real target for Cheney-Rove, the film suggests), and then Colin Powell takes the stage. Over a score appropriate to an after school special, Colin Powell reminds us of the legacy of W.'s father, the basic decency of Americans, the democratic process, and the necessity to engage our allies (even if it takes six months to get a resolution through the U.N.) . . . all things I believe in, but I laughed so hard I cried.

Which brings me to the final reason it doesn't work: It wants to be a farce -- it never tries to explain this historical moment, despite the Daddy issues above -- and it succeeds in one moment, its homage to Bunuel's Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie. Bush and his compatriots, including Tommy Franks and Condoleeza Rice, amble down a long road, realize they've missed their path, and amble some more. One long shot looks like it was taken straight from the Bunuel. But we've already lived 2000-2008 as farce.

History repeats, Hegel tells us. Yes, Marx adds, the first time as tragedy the second time as farce. Already farcical, malevolently comic, we don't need the representation. If we want to laugh-cry-laugh, we've got the real thing.

The News

2008-10-16T21:07:00.004-04:00

I've been reading too much news, and it's all started to sound the same.

Coffee causes breast cancer. Coffee doesn't cause breast cancer. Wine helps your heart. Alcohol shrinks your brain. A smaller brain may not be more cognitively impaired in healthy adults. Obama's going to win he's not going to win he's going to win. The DOW is up 300 but down 200. Barrels of oil are half-priced, but gas has only dropped a quarter because the gas at the station was already paid for at the higher price was not was too was not.

When I read that women who receive a lesser dopamine-response reward from drinking chocolate milkshakes may drink more chocolate milkshake to compensate, I laughed when I got to the end:

"This is very interesting but it doesn't really help us now with tackling obesity," he said.

Indeed, this is all very interesting but it doesn't put food on the table -- or help us lose the weight. It reminds me of Adorno's assertion -- yet again -- that the mass media are endlessly signaling themselves.

2008-10-12T21:08:00.002-04:00

Apparently my kids weren't alone in the Chihuahua movie audience this weekend.* It topped the box office! Dr.Bloom responded that he "takes it back -- it is the end of the world."
Miss I, aware already of how these things work, tells me she's looking forward to "the second chihuahua." I'm hoping by then we'll be out of this economic tailspin, the election will be behind us, and people will want to see good movies instead.

*(in fact they weren't; they were with their long suffering grandparents).

2008-10-10T22:32:00.003-04:00

"CNN contributor David Gergen, who has advised Democratic and Republican presidential administrations, said Thursday that the negative tone of these rallies is "incendiary" and could lead to violence."

I hadn't read this yet when I remarked today that I had real concerns about some of the anti-Obama rhetoric intensifying in the last couple of days. I'm pleased to have read that McCain finally(!) asked supporters of his to be respectful -- only it's come far too late after the mantra "dangerous, dangerous, dangerous," and it lacks the endorsement of McCain's running mate.

5769

2008-10-10T10:49:00.001-04:00

We spent last evening at our home with our (secular) Israeli friend, serving as his surrogate family and serving lentil crepes, cheeze blintzes with fig preserves, and baked apples (but why the raisins? Miss I asked as if including raisins was an act of betrayal).
Afterwards, Miss I smacked him with her Bible (the Scholastic Read and Learn) and asked him to read "his book" -- which for her, seemed to be Genesis. And so he did.
And so I marveled at our family and our "family." I am amazed at how we are blessed.

(and I felt a little better about the world and all of us in it than I had since seeing the movie reviewed below).

2008-10-08T10:47:00.005-04:00

I went to see Bill Maher's Religulous last night. With characteristic mean-spiritedness, Maher takes on organized religion and spirituality, but it's a foray into a conversation worth having -- or a first volley in a rationalist/spiritualist war.

Maher begins by suggesting that he wants to know what makes Religion -- principally, the largest three monotheistic religions (though he ventures into the c*nnabis religion , Scientology and Mormonism briefly) -- tick. But he doesn't, really -- in Maher style, he wants to tick Them off. And he does.

Along the way, he meets the man some believe to be the antichrist who concedes that if Satan had told him he was his representative, he would have done that job just as well. He meets a former soul-singer preacher with lizard shoes and lots of bling, who argues that Jesus was "rich" and dressed well.

But first, he meets a trucker, in the trucker's chapel, who prays for Bill, asks for God's blessing on Bill. Bill thanks him for being not just a Christian but Christ-like.

Bill goes places I've written about here -- places I want to see/don't want to see: Creation and Holy Land theme parks. The Holy Land's "Jesus" is remarkably articulate. Bill never acknowledges that Pascal's Wager is not just for idiots, but for Blaise Pascal as well -- he never considers Pascal's thinking on uncertainty, that even uncertainty in all things is not certain. He's that sure of his skepticism.

He short changes the director of the Human Genome project, one of the small percentage of non-atheists in the basic sciences. He has a fantastic conversation with the director of the Vatican Observatory. He insists that the most horrific things ever done have been done in the name of God -- but he forgets that the most beautiful and wondrous have been, too.

And then, standing on the place in the Holy Land where many people believe Jesus will return, Maher pleads for skepticism -- to save the world. With a montage of nuclear bombs and scripture from Revelations and the Qu'ran, Maher reminds of one of his earlier complaints -- there's nothing he likes less than prophecy, except self-fulfilling prophecy. We can't have someone who actually wants this world to pass to hold the power to make it so. But in the end his target is not "extremists," but those moderates he decries as collaborators.

I can't recommend it -- I left the theater with blues I can't shake -- but I'd sure love it if you'd join in the conversation.

The Company You Keep

2008-10-07T10:31:00.002-04:00

"In Clearwater, arriving reporters were greeted with shouts and taunts by the crowd of about 3,000. Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric's questions for her "less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media." At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy.""

(The Washington Post)

2008-10-06T13:53:00.003-04:00

Rightly, many people are wondering what to do. I'm still wondering how it could have happened, and marveling at the range of explanations -- which, inexplicably, includes "Jimmy Carter did it." The NYT dates the crisis to 2004 here. This of course is more conservative than my explanation.

2008-10-05T09:07:00.002-04:00

I want to quit talking about this election, I really do -- I think it's already cost me a couple friends and I know it's cost me readers.

But Sarah makes me:

""Our opponent though is someone who sees America, it seems, as being so imperfect, imperfect enough that he is palling around with terrorists who would target their own country," Palin said of Obama, also calling him an embarrassment.""

See, there's this whole "false witness" thing. She's said it's time for the gloves to come off -- maybe she thinks commandments are for losers.

2008-10-04T09:04:00.002-04:00

My daughter threw a spoon at my head this morning because I wouldn't put on Word World right away. "What were you thinking?!" I asked, and was sorry I asked as soon as I got the answer. "That I would be extra, extra mean mean mean and you couldn't comment."

Hoping for nicer mornings at your house.

(Bob Hebert on the debate:
"After Ms. Palin had woven one of her particularly impenetrable linguistic webs, Joe Biden turned to the debate’s moderator, Gwen Ifill, and said: “Gwen, I don’t know where to start.”
Of course he didn’t know where to start because Ms. Palin’s words don’t mean anything. She’s all punctuation.")

Weird World

2008-10-03T09:29:00.001-04:00

"Agency spokeswoman Christine Anthony says state law requires that all implements in pedicures be sanitized, and there's just no way to sanitize live fish."

2008-09-29T16:44:00.003-04:00

Lots of people still ask me how to answer the hard questions? How to respond to the uncomfortable comments? I'll let you in on my son's strategy:
Little Bun, when asked "Is your sister adopted?" or "Is that your real sister?" has taken to clamping his lips shut and performing a Greek dance -- the first time he did it, he said it was the fastest distraction. Later, he could just remember having done it the first time.

Conspiracy Theory of the Day

2008-09-29T16:13:00.005-04:00

If I had a load of money and less of a conscience, I'd scare people into selling low. Tell them the sky is falling and then buy the moon.

With stocks down and people selling off, people with money can now buy all of America on sale, if they act now, before the bail out bill is passed.

Dollar is up, oil is down . . . I wonder what things will look like after the holiday, and once the initial "Act NOW!" panic has settled so cooler heads really can prevail.

You Seem to Become Increasingly Adorable

2008-09-27T20:23:00.004-04:00

Newsweek's Fareed Zekaria thinks now is the time for Governor Palin to gracefully bow out. Here's why:

COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the—it's got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that.

Where have we heard such a muddled mess before?

Safe Haven's Latest

2008-09-25T10:54:00.003-04:00

This is outrageous.

2008-09-23T19:22:00.003-04:00

President Bush, at the UN, on Syria and Iran:

"The terrorists believe time is on their side, so they've made waiting out civilized nations part of their strategy. We must not allow them to succeed.""

I don't understand this. We must not allow them to succeed at . . . waiting?

No Oversight?

2008-09-22T23:40:00.004-04:00

This is shocking. The original draft authorizing Paulson's bail out seems like something that wouldn't happen in America -- except, that is, following the last eight years.

From the NYT:
"For Mr. Dodd, a larger issue was at stake in Mr. Paulson’s plan. “After reading this proposal, I can only conclude that it is not just our economy that is at risk, but our constitution as well.” Mr. Shelby echoed the point, saying the Treasury department was continuing “its ad hoc approach on a grand new scale.”"

ETA: Yeesh. If I didn't worry so much, this article would be like a birthday present.

The Value of Pragmatism

2008-09-22T15:11:00.001-04:00

A commenter suggested this article and I didn't want the link to be buried in comments. It helps explain why a loved one of mine, a Goldwater Republican, is voting for Barack Obama.

(Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for the link!)

2008-09-22T14:58:00.001-04:00

We had to take this drive-by photo of Obama supporters demonstrating their resourcefulness.

Made to Order

2008-09-21T21:54:00.002-04:00

We shopped sans Dr.Bloom today, and the kids were great. It isn't easy to behave when shopping for cat litter, rat litter, Wittgenstein's Culture and Value, and vegetables for a week's worth of dinners. But they did, so I took them to (fast food) lunch.
It all fell apart in line. When I asked what they wanted to distract them from dangerous activities, Miss I said "anyfing." The man in front of us turned around and asked, "Anchovy pizza, then?" "Sure," she said, and went back to flipping over those railings that really do look like playground equipment and just beg for flipping while Little Bun scaled the nearest upright. "Little Bun, Miss I . . ." I began in exasperation . . .
"I tell you, if they'd eat anchovy pizza with me I'd adopt them," the man teased. My first thought was relief that he'd thought they were both foster/foster-adopt/adopted. Only later did I realize I probably shouldn't have laughed.

2008-09-21T09:37:00.003-04:00

Tired of being a Washington outsider? Take Washington to Alaska and keep repeating "Maverick" like a cereal slogan. The McCain campaign, now with more "Maverick" (but don't read the ingredients).

Free Market Capitalism not working for you anymore? Nationalize debt, but find a way to drive up fear about the other party's socialism. (And suggest deregulation of health care companies to boot -- that worked so well for the banks, thanks much).

Our national way of life, and the global way of life based on it, is changing. It has to change -- again. An Historical state of affairs, it is subject to change. The way we do things is really only relatively recent in comparison to American history, and it's been untenable since at least 2001 by all markers. As one commenter remarked, since then, publicly and personally, we have been impoverishing our future (or our children's future, which has been the Bush policy) to be wealthier today.

And then the future arrived.

We are in a future that requires us to redefine ourselves -- the "free market capitalists" thing isn't accurate, it isn't working and it isn't true. Rugged individualism isn't the same as rampant unregulated Capitalism, and neither is a virtue.

Those feelings of anxiety, of impending doom -- that some have been tying to Obama and "the left" -- appear to me to be instead the deep fear not that something is going to go wrong, but that something already has.

This is perhaps why some have called the new national institution to buy out bank losses (American and UK) at mark-downs (reverse auctions) "Paulson's Monster." But it ought, really, to be called "Our Monster."