Goodbye to Youth (again)

Ah, vanity.

I hadn't had, or hadn't made, really, time to get my hair cut in a very long time. By the time I was ready to, I had almost enough hair to donate to Locks of Love. So I waited, and tonight I finally got my hair cut.

First it had to be gathered into two ponytails - one ponytail is enough for one wig, and I have a whole lot of hair. Ten inches had to be cut off, just above the elastic. This resulted in a need for layers. He did a great job, but it's going to take me a long time to get used to it, and by then it'll be long again. It's only hair. Still . . .

This morning my very pregnant gynecologist said this is even early for premature perimenopause (which could take ten-fifteen years to be overwith) and that we should consider premature ovarian failure. Since we aren't trying to have another pregnancy . . . she said this as if it wasn't at all startling or upsetting, just a functional issue, so I'm left thinking that it shouldn't be at all startling or upsetting. It's only ovaries . . .

Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't have done these two things in one day, my first baby's first day of kindergarten.

(Kindergarten is "wonderful!" "Better than preschool!" And at the end of the day, he wasn't ready to leave).

Two Things

Dear I.,
Apart from all the ways I'm trying really hard to be a good Momma to you (even when it feels impossible for me to do) I am working extra hard at two seemingly inconsequential things. These things seem to make the least sense to you, with the exception of my cutting off the Nilla Wafers, so I thought I'd explain them now (and again when you are really listening):
1. I do not want to raise you to be an insomniac like your momma. It may already be too late for Thing One, who doesn't fall asleep easily and sleeps lightly (your screaming is not helping). Please, help me help you develop healthy sleep habits now! Or someday you'll be thirty years old and lying wide awake while your kids sleep just because you know they're about to wake up and you'd rather not be woken (after all, they have been waking you up once an hour, so you're in the habit . . .) Learn from Daddy, who can fall asleep in an instant to capitalize on rare quiet. Or from our friends children, who fall asleep at 8 and know not to get out of bed until 7 am (at 2. years old).
2. I refuse to raise you to be "the tender-headed daughter of a white woman," something I have been warned against and can't get out of my own head. So I'm taking longer than I need to in order to condition your hair and scalp. You might hate it, but you have to learn to sit still-ish now. One grandma and grandpa told your Daddy that they stay up all night to do their grandaughter's hair while she sleeps. Which leads me back to point one, and my exhaustion. Though hey, I'm already up, so . . .
I love you. Now go to sleep - after I condition your scalp.
Love,
Momma