On the Popularity of Polemic, my Own Propensity for it

Please note: the following (strikingly banal) realization will not stop me from engaging in my now only occassional rant-o-the-week, my own outlet for polemic:

Most of the time I try to be nuanced in my thinking and in my writing. Every once in awhile, though, I read something or hear something that makes me lose all interest in nuance -- I react so strongly to what is so clearly a strong reaction as it is that I have a hard time being fair. Add to that that I don't really want anyone to hate me, whatever I say about not caring what other people think . . .

This happened last week, so I just didn't say anything. But then I feel like I've let other people down. Instead, I wrote my polemic to the View (below).

I realized that nuance comes from a privileged position -- in a position of relative power, there is little cost to me to concede a point, to be empathetic (except the heartbreak that comes along with it), to say "yes, I see." Polemic seems necessary for the systematically disempowered, even if it makes its auditors balk. It's why there are pros and antis, and people who appear pro and anti when they aren't, when we all really know it isn't that simple.

But what if we suddenly, simultaneously, universally agreed that being nuanced wasn't waffling, afterall? That it is an extraordinarily empowering thing to be? Imagine the conversations we'd have.

Dear Ladies of the View,
I am disheartened to hear of Sherri Shepard’s perspective on the adoption of African children by white women, equating such children with “accessories.” These comments – which are not unique by any stretch – tmz has described Mary Louise Parker’s new daughter as an “accessory” and Urban Outfitters sold t-shirts with “Adoption is the new black” within the last year – and they are much like comments many of us hear everyday from ignorant people.
What is disturbing about such comments is that they are targeted at adopting parents and celebrities claiming to be hopeful or future adoptive parents, but they miss their mark, merely offending us but ultimately hurting our children. Can you imagine an adopted child overhearing the remarks? Overhearing the remarks being repeated by other children or by other children’s mothers? It takes work to make a child who has suffered loss feel loved and secure and to see herself as a full member of a new family. This is the work we have been engaged in for more than a year. Why would anyone work to undo that confidence?
I understand that not everyone will support our decision to adopt (or adopt internationally, or adopt transracially), but I cannot understand others making our children the subject of derision (Please know I have quite a sense of humor: Samantha Bee’s spot on International Adoption on The Daily Show clearly hit her target, was broadcast after our children were in bed, and also, it’s quite amusing).
Our daughter was not adopted hastily or as part of a trend, but rather after an extensive, emotional and at times exhausting process, and after we’d carefully weighed our options for building our family and the consequences for our children. Never have I heard of giving birth being considered part of a trend, but it’s been going on for millennia on this round earth. If the desire to love someone by choice is a trend, it’s a trend I’d like to see continue.
If Ms. Shepard was willing to recant her foolish statement that she was too busy feeding her children to know whether the earth was round or flat, perhaps she’ll admit that she’s also too busy to have been schooled on the subject of other people’s families and thus spoke inappropriately. If not, may Angelina Jolie, Mary Louise Parker, Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman never visit the View again, lest they be criticized for their choice of accessories.

Sincerely,

A.Bloom

cc:
Angelina Jolie
Mary Louise Parker
Meg Ryan
Nicole Kidman

Jena, When You Are Six

We don't watch the news before our children's bedtimes. Little Bun listens too closely. But when we got in the car today I didn't realize it was set to talk radio -- Daddy had driven the car last. I immediately got caught up in coverage of the Jena Six and before I realized it, Little Bun was caught up in it too. I only realized it when he said: "I'm glad Miss I and I don't hit each other -- you wouldn't know if it was a 'race thing.'"
More seriously, he asked what a family like ours would possibly do in a place like Jena.

Why I don't have any friends at school . . . yet

Ladies, here's your
ObamaMama T-Shirt.

For 20.08.

A public service message:

Do NOT hold hot coffee between your knees while you are driving.
You may burn and/or embarrass yourself and have to drive home for new pants.
Please, people, heed the warning on your coffee cup that tells you it is "Hot when heated."
That is all.

Why it was positively Dickensian!

I don't normally quote what I've read on boards, partially because it seems like bad etiquette if I'm not even going to ask the writer for clarification or to rethink what she's written (why then do I quote strangers on a train at will? Hmmmmm ) and partially because it creates this intense circularity, boards complaining about other boards and blogs and I find it really damaging and unproductive. . .

But I must purge this:
"My child has an almost storybook reason for being placed for adoption . . ."
(Did she mean textbook? or did she truly mean "storybook?")


My agency did not give me an angel. My agency gave me the responsibility for caring for a flesh and blood child who will grow to human adulthood outside of the context of a fairy tale. Instead of a storybook, she's going to want her own story. I'll bet her angel will want his too, here on earth, and not in the hereafter.

If I've gotten your meaning wrong, I apologize.
If not, here's a storybook for likeminded people:

Once upon a time, there was a little child -- I mean abstraction -- who lived to be filled with everyone else's expectations and to fulfill their every dreams. And she never wondered where she came from -- abstractions never do -- and they all lived happily thereafter. Until she realized she was an abstraction.

Best "Problem" Ever.

Kiva.org has run out of businesses in need of support in the short term.
What a fantastic problem to have.