Saturday, September 16, 2006

Happy Anniversary

Dear Miss I.,
Tomorrow you will have been home three months. The changes in you in these three months are astonishing -- how tall you've grown, how full your cheeks, how secure you seem (most of the time). You are a bright, brave, beautiful babe, ready to take on the world. In some ways, you already have.

You don't say much, though you have a deep belly laugh, and I love to hear you say "Momma aye-yuh," especially now that I know that it is a possessive: Mommamine, you say. Miss I-aye-yuh, daughtermine.

But this anniversary, like all I suppose, is a bit melancholy, too. I remember so well the pain of your absence -- why do they tell us the pain is gone as soon as you come home, just as they tell women who've delivered that they'll forget the pain of delivery? I forget neither, can still feel both physically. I think each day, but especially intensely at these moments, that I while I was longing, someone was losing.

This week, we'll prepare an update, complete with pictures, destined for Ethiopia. We're required to provide this update, and an update each year for eighteen years. I have so much to say that it feels like silence. What can I say that can translate simply? You are well, and you are cherished, I-aye-yuh.

I have to run. You've woken, and you're calling me. You do this many nights, only tonight, I feel its sweetness.

4 comments:

Michelle said...

Happy 3 month anniversary of the day Miss I joined your family!

Manuela said...

Oh.. what a touching post. And brava to you for allowing yourself to acknowledge that happiness is not an automatic eraser of past pain. This is such a powerful notion in adoption that so many people just aren't able to grasp.

Overwhelmed! said...

Happy 3 month anniversary!

I really related to this post. Why do "they" tell us that the pain is gone as soon as your child comes home? That's so not true. It took many months to fade and it's never truly forgotten.

Good luck on the update to Ethiopia. I send updates to Giselle every 6 months and I've found that I truly love doing this. I write a long letter that breaks down Snuggle Bug's development and activities month by month (I jot down brief notes in a journal each month and then flesh the thoughts out in the letter).

I send several pictures from each month as well, so she can see how he's changing and growing. Often times, my letters end up being about 6 pages long and Giselle tells me she loves them.

Mia said...

Ditto to everything Manuela said!