Saturday, December 23, 2006

In the End

In the beginning, I didn't know how to begin. I know less how to end, but I know that it's time. I've finished even my vacation stories, everything I'd stored . . .

When I started blogging, I was trying to organize my thoughts for Miss-I-to-be (thoughts about how to love and miss someone I'd never met chief among them), to make sense of our experiences as a family-in-waiting, to update friends without repeating endlessly "still no referral" and either sobbing or sighing depending on the day, and to think through becoming a multiracial, multinational family, blessed and burdened by the joys and losses brought through and by adoption.

Of the last, we will never stop thinking, and thinking, and thinking. But as far as writing here . . . in some ways, because this has always been a mommy blog even as it's been an "issues blog," what I've had to say and what I've been willing to say have limited one another.

Above all, I've tried to protect my daughter's privacy (what will these blogged-babies think someday? Will it be so common to live whole lives on line that they won't find it strange that we've written about their first parents, or their poop? I hope not . . . But just this week Newsweek and a blog-hating blog ask similar questions) and respect my son's need to control which anecdotes I share (especially now that he's reading). I hope I've done that. I hope I've anticipated their needs while I've tried to meet mine which became ultimately and unexpectedly, to commune.

Thanks for sharing our journey to becoming the conspicuous, complicated, crazy family that we've become. Thank you for being part of who we've become, for giving me so much to think about, in your comments and on your blogs (which I'll continue to read).

And who knows? Maybe someday we'll be blogging baby #3, "Baby A." as little bun is wont to say.

Hee haw and Merry Christmas,
Abebech

---

Dear Miss I.,
I was talking recently with friends about the value of a "plan." Really, they were talking about a plan, and I was smiling knowingly.

I would never have planned for either of my children to have arrived in the way that you have. I couldn't have anticipated the miracles you would be.

I am grateful for each day. You bless me just by being.

Much love,
Momma.

10 comments:

Gawdessness said...

Thanks for sharing your journey, I have learned much.
Wishing you all, the very, very best.
Affectionately,
Gawdessness

Erin O' said...

I am sad to see you go, I only just discovered you!

Thanks for sharing, for talking about all of the things that go through my head as we wait for our first two (!) children who will be coming from Ethiopia, like your Miss I.

LOTS and LOTS of love and happiness to all of you.

e

abebech said...

Thanks to the both of you for your kind thoughts. I wish you both wonderful journeys with (gawdessness) and to (erin) your children.
Erin, I'm leaving my archives up for awhile, and I'd be happy to share your adventure with YOU if you're writing it somewhere.

AMH said...

To be honest I am quite sad that you will be leaving. I have enjoyed your blog the most these last few months. I can understand why you're going, I've thought about doing it myself lately. Sometimes I feel as if I need to live more in real space and less in cyber space.

God bless and take care. Your two amazing children have a really amazing mom.

Erin O' said...

I keep considering starting a blog, then chickening out! A little shyness, a little fear of being even more consumed by the computer! Also for some of the reasons you mentioned.

I'll let you know if I do!

e

Erin O' said...

abebech,

You were the straw that broke the camel's back! I've started a blog, come and visit!

e

abebech said...

Hey, Erin -- looking forward to reading your blog!
If you get a chance, email me @
littlebluewagon at hotmail dot com.

mia said...

Thank you for coming by and commenting faithfully and being such a wonderful presence in the blogging community.
Although I'm sad that you won't be writing I hope you will pop over every now and again to say hello. I can certainly understand and respect knowing when it's time to move on.
Now get out there and enjoy!!!!!!!!
Blessings to you and to your wonderful family!

Third Mom said...

I hope you DO come back and blog again some day. Thanks for what you've written here!

Third Mom said...

Since I can't keep up reading, I am just now realizing you were stopping! Well, I hope you hang out in the comments world, because it is good knowing you!!