If you haven't read it yet, check out The Nuclear Family, Exploded. I have to be honest -- some afamilies are upset with it, but I quite like it. If you can get past the tagline -- "Celebrity blended families have become a cultural flash point, revealing a broad anxiety: Do parents really love adopted children differently than their own offspring?," which is unfair to her essay and misses its point entirely -- you find Nussbaum's balanced essay. There are some cringe-worthy moments (particularly one informant's rationale for choosing international over domestic adoption), to be sure. But Nussbaum is keenly aware that adoptive families don't wish to be part of a trend or a movement, and doesn't reinforce that notion.
And then there are moments like these:
"Van Schie’s main insight from her experience was not that she should love her adopted child like her biological one, but the precise opposite. “My husband is six foot seven, highly educated, intelligent, athletic. I’m whatever you see me being. With Huck, for three years, I was expecting him to be those things. And then I brought home Tana, and I have no expectations. And I realize the injustice I’m doing to my biological child. It’s just very freeing—to find that I’m so excited to see who these two little people are going to be. Because it made me realize, I have no idea. And before, I thought I kind of knew who Huck was going to be! I don’t have that feeling anymore. Because Tana taught me that.”
Not the 6'7", but otherwise I could have said this.