I always love the posts in which a blogger shares how she's been googled. Let me just say sometimes it isn't for the right reasons (sometimes apalling), and sometimes it is. Often in my case it's "attaching in toddler adoption" or "sleep and toddler adoption" and since I'll tell you the hard but good truth, I'm glad you're here. Once it was "relinquishing a toddler for adoption." More and more it's "Ethiopia toddler adoption."
Those google phrases, while they sure make it easy to tell who's come here for the wrong reasons, can't always make it clear who's here for the right reason or who is interested in international adoption for well thought-out reasons. But language always conveys our values. And there's no such thing as neutral language.
That's why I can't read a post about a prospective adoptive family's grief over a failed match or a revoked referral and disregard the way first families are spoken of given the context. Loss is hard, and people get angry, and angry people say things they shouldn't, but do they ever really say things they don't mean?
Admittedly, our situation is much different (though we've also made plain that we'd never go through with an adoption that could have been another way, so that difference is no accident). But (prospective) adoptive parents should speak as IF our children can hear us, write as if they can read it. We should hold ourselves accountable until we can be accountable to our children (and we will be). And along the way, we should hold each other accountable.
Please, if you believe that a mother's desire to parent her own child (or to prevent a permanent separation from her child) is drama, or if you believe that searching for an appropriate permanent placement in-country before adopting out internationally doesn't have value, please read, read, read before you proceed.
I'm working on another longer post, but in the meantime I wanted to post a link to Nicole's resources page. It may be that you've landed here for some reason but will find what you're looking for there.