I was asked this question, and before I provide my best effort at an answer, I'm opening it up -- and hence opening a can of worms:
"I'm wondering if someone can help steer me in the right direction. This isnot a comment on your latest post, but a question that surely you have addressed somewhere. We are considering an Ethiopian adoption (we have a little boy naturally) for our second child. I just can't get around the fact that I might spend 20,000 dollars to adopt a baby whose family would be able to take care of her if I gave them that money. I feel like if I truly loved a child, I would just give that money to a family (families) and then the child would be able to stay with her own family. In other words, why does the person with the money get the baby?"
Carlos, as you wait, you might read my archives from early 2006, as I struggled while we waited for our referral.