Having stayed behind is very hard, but not for the reasons I anticipated. I thought I would mostly be jealous, sad, feeling left out of even more of our little girl's life, and perhaps also that I would feel as if I'd let her down by not traveling to get to know her and her history.
I do feel a little bit of each of those things.
But I'm mostly struck by how much I've missed with respect to dh. I missed the first time he laid eyes on his beautiful daughter. I missed one of the proudest moments of his life - when I. finally rested her head against his shoulder. I missed the first time I. called him Dadda, and the first time she really laughed for him.
I missed all of these moments.
I am also more certain with each moment of my love for both of them, more aware all the time of how tremendously I've been blessed.