Time to Lose

DH said we needed to sit down, look at our calendars, and make some plans for vacation, and it was one more reminder of how little control we've had over this process, how little we've been able to plan, how much our plans have been thwarted.

For two years (for almost as long as we've been saving in the two year fund) dh has been saving vacation time. Best Hospital's best residency program has been allowing him to roll over more than the usual number of vacation days, so he would have time to travel to Africa and a lot of leave afterward for bonding. Best Hospital had already changed their policy to give adoptive fathers paternity leave equal to that granted to biofathers after the birth of children (two weeks), a result of dh's plans to adopt. In total, dh would have had eight weeks paid leave, plus four more as of July 1, in order to be home with I. But I. didn't come, and I. probably isn't coming before July 1. And now that dh is Chief Resident, and as he's entering his last year of residency, he can't afford to take 12 weeks off. Now he has to use it or lose it, and so we planned for many more months without I.

In November, when we first applied to the Ethiopia program, we had every reason to believe I. would be home in February, before DS's dentist appointment, a couple months before his birthday, just before spring. Now she won't be here before science center summer camp.

Despite the progress toward parity indicated above, for which we are very grateful to Best Hospital's best residency program, this is just one more way adoption will never be like pregnancy.