Wednesday, May 03, 2006

In a Delicate Condition

For the most part, I haven't asked to be treated like a pregnant woman. I didn't ask anyone to go easier on me at work when we had our domestic ups and downs, or when international adoption seemed like just too much. I didn't park in expectant/new mom parking spots (an ongoing debate in the adoption world), I didn't announce to people who couldn't see my paper pregnancy that hey, I'm expecting too! I leaned on a few friends (hi, friends) and as always, on my mom and my sister (hey there). But I didn't ask anyone to recognize adoption expectancy as a condition.

Until now.

Recently, we've been dragged into a drama not at all of our doing. We've also been accused of not being committed to our extended family for not wanting to be cast in it. I want to scream: I'm expecting! I'm in a delicate condition! Would you expect a pregnant woman to deal with this?! I want to yell: Of course we aren't as committed to keeping our extended family happy right now as we generally are! We're nesting! We're folding back in on ourselves, quieting our hearts, spending time together as the three of us before we become the four of us!

People say pregnant women "turn inward" just before they deliver. The reality is that this is not just a pregnancy thing, but a necessary emotional development for parents-to-be, maybe even more so in adoption, which is such an invisible way of expecting.

But we are turning inward.
We are preparing.
And it's a very good thing.

P.S. I've been obsessively checking my email for the apology that dh was so sure would be short in coming. It hasn't come. I don't think it's going to. And I don't think I can move on without one.

1 comment:

lola said...

I'd put down my real thoughts- but wouldn't want ds to stumble on swear words-- basically girl- do what you need to do! Don't know what they did- but hopefully it was born out of love. You guys are so giving, you deserve to give to yourselves :D
ps- know that I am thinking of you guys so often- and am very happy for you :)