Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Now what's the emoticon for tearing my hair out?

Still haven't heard anything. I hate to email and call friends right now, because there is nothing to say. Just no, no news. No news and I'm sad and mad and tired. Though I did organize the wonderfully outfitted nursery with my dear sister this week.

Last week, I was consumed with the emotional aspects of the delay - I. was sick (no, we haven't had an update but are assuming that if we haven't heard she must be okay), we were missing her, and we were feeling incredibly helpless. I cried all the time.

Now I'm starting to obsess on the more practical issues. This returns us to an earlier post about how dh must use or lose some time before July 1, how he is chief resident and can't miss the new residents' transition, how we've had our dear friend and dh's travel companion on hold for MONTHS waiting for a timeframe from us, how I'll be teaching the second six week session and had thought I'd be off for weeks after her arrival, how airline tickets go up astronomically after June 17, and to earlier complaints that we've been stuck in every country change, program delay, growing pain, social worker crisis there has ever been (in one case "nothing like this had happened in seven years" and in another "I haven't seen anything like this in the three years we've been doing this") . . . and I feel like complaining about the practical takes away from the very real emotional drama of the last few and the coming weeks as it is being and will be experienced by at least seven families and more than seven children, children who have already lost one family and are waiting waiting waiting for another.

I also feel guilty. I'm doing that thing where you compare sadness, anger or grief and decide that yours just isn't as worthy as someone else's. Sometimes that's productive and it provides perspective. Other times, like this, probably not so much. I ought to be angry

. . .

I think.

(In completely unimportant news, BJ and Tyler won the Amazing Race. It couldn't have happened to a nicer team. Too bad everyone else was watching a Chris Daughtry-less American Idol).

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